Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
