apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
