omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
