i just wanna soil my oats bro
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
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True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
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Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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