I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
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Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
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No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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