dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
