remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.