We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
no you cant smoke seaweed
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods