Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something

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  (508): help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something http://tfl.nu/479k
  Replies (27) Good night (903) Bad night (2881)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you

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  (218): You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you http://tfl.nu/pqp2
  Replies (29) Good night (1370) Bad night (2159)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?

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  (205): he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy? http://tfl.nu/nikx
  Replies (36) Good night (566) Bad night (4834)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off

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  (970): I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off http://tfl.nu/q8op
  Replies (33) Good night (6971) Bad night (704)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.

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  (802): Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser. http://tfl.nu/l90y
  Replies (17) Good night (5356) Bad night (1007)
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  (+07): View more from

  tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?

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  (+07): tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance? http://tfl.nu/7v50
  Replies (34) Good night (5305) Bad night (950)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.

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  (602): I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off. http://tfl.nu/f702
  Replies (14) Good night (2924) Bad night (813)
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  (562): View more from California

  I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service

  (562): View more from California

  And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.

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  (562): I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service (562): And I got $4 when somebody made it rain. http://tfl.nu/btbw
  Replies (4) Good night (2485) Bad night (1152)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.

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  (573): Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI. http://tfl.nu/6uwa
  Replies (12) Good night (1623) Bad night (759)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?

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  (412): The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce? http://tfl.nu/j2ba
  Replies (26) Good night (4199) Bad night (613)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.

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  (252): He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it. http://tfl.nu/4vqb
  Replies (9) Good night (1777) Bad night (578)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?

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  (610): I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason? http://tfl.nu/yqy8
  Replies (7) Good night (740) Bad night (977)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here

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  (443): They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing. (1-410): Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here http://tfl.nu/0wca
  Replies (7) Good night (1319) Bad night (379)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?

  (734): View more from Michigan

  You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."

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  (734): Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed? (734): You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it." http://tfl.nu/yuio
  Replies (4) Good night (1020) Bad night (316)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.

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  (847): Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing. http://tfl.nu/r89c
  Replies (0) Good night (550) Bad night (169)

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