Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
