I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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