Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
