we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
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The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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