More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
