just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
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apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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