He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
