I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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