My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
