I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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