I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
