I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
