I love black thongs
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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