also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
