Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
