All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I deserve this hangover.
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