your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
