Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
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He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
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Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize