If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i need some magic done to my vagina
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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