and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
