Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
