Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
