I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
