Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
