I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
