I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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