thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
