He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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