my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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