tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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