You can't special order awesome
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
