How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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