and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
