Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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