sarcasm needs its own font
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
These tits shall not be calmed
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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