With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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