There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
