No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
