my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
