I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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