You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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