bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
