4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
