i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
