Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Randomize
