A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize