just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
