Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
