you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
You smell like stripper and shame
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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