She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
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I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
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He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
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