I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
